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Unggoy
Grunts, also known as chimpanzees, are the cannon fodder of the Covenant. They are known to huff lighter fluid in their spare time as well as attending the Nipple Academy before becoming slaves for the Covenant. Grunt's skulls have a odd tendency to explode when shot. At first, the head would explode with the force of a grenade, killing nearby friendly troops. The Covenant made a chemical put into the Grunt's nipples that stop them exploding so fiercely. The downside of this chemical is that it turns the Grunt's brain different colors so it resembles confetti. The Grunt also gets an uncontrollable urge to shout "Yay!" in a childlike voice before dying. they would have a longer life span if they wern't sexually atracted to fire and Brutes. History Despite seeming to be the weakest creatures in the Covenant (sentient or not), Grunts are actually the real masterminds behind the Covenant's religious crusade against everything and anything that doesnt agree with it. Controlling even the Prophets from behind the scenes, Grunts only act cowardly and weak to throw off suspicion to their Prophet scapegoats. This shows the stupid, retarded, and completely SUICIDAL life of the grunt (shortius retardicus). It was, in fact, the grunts tried to eat the Halo's, gave the Covenant free entertainment, lost the wheel, and used Moses the Ten Commandments for toilet paper (they were filleted by the Elites, who knew of the true God), and were there for free meals when a god-like creature created the Universe. Most were eaten immediately, but some survived to today (which is suprising). The grunts that died were the species shortius stupidius. Grunts have an average IQ of -3,000,000, easily enough to see that handing them a gun and sending them against so many heathens is a stupid way to wage war. So they don't. They run forward unarmed to think that their vile odor will kill their enemies, and also meaning to destroy their enemies morale. Unfortunately, stupid members of the Covenant and most humans mistake this for suicide. Nothing could closer to the truth... NOTE: It should be stated that a Grunt wrote this article, to enlighten stupid Earthers about the greatness of his people. You shall kill the great Darth Yayap for this insult. Physiology and history Grunts are born short. They live short, they shoot short, they just are...short. While the game manual seems to say they are five feet tall, most of the time, humans seem at least two feet taller.Their heads are full of confitti and enought candy to stop galatic hunger and screw us all over. This size, coupled along with their obvious mental efficiencies deficiencies, begs the question "why are they even in the Covenant military? They should be galley slaves!" This is because of two things. They have numbers, and screw like crazy. In addition, after nearly turning their world into a pretty ball of shiny glass, the Elites felt bad for them, and offered them a place into their military force. In actuality, the Elites found them to be humorous and sort of sad, to be pitied. Little did they know that the Prophets were doing the same thing to them. Kinda ironic. The strange thing about Grunts is that while they appear to be weak, they are in actual fact even weaker. You can see a Grunt carrying around a Fuel Rod Cannon in one arm with huge effort, and they never hit anyone. You'd think the Elites would train them in accuracy training with that type of accuracy, but they must be smart and know the grunts are too stupid to aim. The Grunts in more recent studies have been compared to humans in terms of intelligence. This is what happened when a human got stuck with a grenade. Marine:ARGH!(Jumps into pack of Brutes killing them all) Now a Grunt. Grunt:ARGH!(Runs towards Brute Chieftain and starts humping his leg) Heroes Grunts have had many heroes, from the Grunt that encited the Grunt Rebellion to that one Grunt that killed thirty S-IIIs with one fuel rod cannon shot. Unfortunatly for Grunt culture, Grunts do not feel like remembering surnames, so all known Grunt heroes are as follows: *Yayap- Helped Master Chief destroy the first Halo by betraying his "commanding" Elite and giving Cortana access to The Pillar of Autumn's computer systems. *Bapap- Yapap's cousin, who made first democratic contact with the arrogant humans and ate their entire farming world in one meal. *Kwassass- Activated Grunt-made thermonuclear device and destroyed the entire betraying Elite fleet. *Bopop- Bapap cousin who was the first too... interact with brutes. Other Famous Grunts *Michael Jackson *Frank O'Conner *Dick Cheney (Cheneytacular!) *Samual L. Jackson *Chuck Norris (Wait Wha???) *Elton John *Al Gore *John J. Johnson *Tom T. Thompson *Peter "Pete" Peterson People Who Just Wish They Were *RR *Lindsay Lohan *N00Bs *Paris Hilton *Prince *Cletus the Slackjawed Yokel *Many sheep *Americans *Queen Elizibeth *Cara Janglemire *David Cavanagn *Blemo *David Letterman *Jay Leno *Various immature people on XBL that yell "shut up" as over other word they say. *mr mansour *ms dewar Category:Cannon Fodder Category:Grunts